There were times in my life when I would occasionally be hit by a deep evocation moment that made me question everything about my life and my way of living. It makes me think about all the relationships I have and their importance in nourishing my soul and giving me joy and happiness and how paradoxically there are also the reason why I would be suffering.
Ever since the passing of my mom in Dec 2023, these moments would come unannounced and frequently. I remember driving to my University for class on Tuesday; the evocation moment hit me hard and tears of gratefulness rolled down my eyes uncontrollably as moments of the time I spent with a rare few people who matter to me deeply flashed through my mind.
Today, as I was reading a chapter from “Coach the Person and not the Problem” book, the evocation moment happened again. The author of the book was bringing up an interesting point on how our mind creates stories that are built from our values and beliefs which we would in our entire lifetime unfortunately repeat over and over in our mind until it becomes how we see the world. The moment made me reflect upon my deeply imbued and tightly held values and belief system and how they conspired to imprison me in my way of doing and thinking. Paradoxically, the awareness of this self-imprisonment seems to have loosen its iron grip on me a little.
As I reflected upon my stories, I also realised that every relationship that I have with people will in one way of another reinforce the stories within me during every interaction. Maybe this is the reason why someone once said you need to choose your close relationship as it will define who you are. I actually thought maybe I should keep choosing someone different often, as I was writing this.
It was a precious moment when I came to realise the importance of giving myself the space of being alone and away from everyone. It is also a deep learning moment that makes me grateful that in my limited lifespan on Earth and out of the billions of people, I met a few rare individuals who are completely different from me, thus allowing me to throw away some of these stories and create a new Jenson.
For me, my ultimate goal of living is to experience. Experience life in its fullest colours and glory. Experience it as a choice and not as a compulsion. Experience without judgment and/or motive.
I wish for more moments like that in my life.
Mom, thank you for giving this to me. Losing you triggers such moments. I am eternally grateful to you for everything that you have done for me when you were alive and upon your death.
coddiwomplingthroughlife
#coaching